There are bad movies and then there are shitty miracles. In bad movies, something goes awry: The script is convoluted or the third act is a mess or Anthony Hopkins is playing a black man for some reason. In a shitty miracle, everything goes awry. It’s not a matter of one sorry element dragging the rest down; it’s every terrible component amplifying the awfulness of everything else. These shitty miracles represent the perfect storm of bad ideas and miscalculation. Everything must line up perfectly for a shitty miracle to occur. That’s how the world usually works. Within the world of Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison empire, however, the King can simply decree that a shitty miracle occur and send his minions scampering to make it so. Sandler has the rarest and most incredible form of power in Hollywood: He makes careers. The golden touch of Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison production company can transform the most Rob Schneider-like schlub into an international … [Read more...] about Miraculous Case File #198:
Sweet tooth real name
Funbag Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](mailto:[email protected]). Today, we’re talking about couples therapy, rude coaches, Charles Dickens, food gentrification, great feats of acting, and more. Drew Magary is out this week doing god knows what (DEADSPIN AWARDS, DECEMBER 5, IRVING PLAZA, NEW YORK CITY) and has for some reason allowed me, editor in chief of Jezebel, to fill in. He’ll be back next week, so if you hate my shit, I don’t want to hear it! If you love my shit, I don’t want to hear that, either! I am an emotionless cyborg, crafted purely for the purpose of contemplating all the profound questions you transport my way. I feel nothing. Strap in, smokers, because I just popped three CBD gummies and am here to be the interim advice administrator/question-answerer in your life (today). Jason: Sad that civility and common sense don’t reign at my place of employment. … [Read more...] about What’s The Worst Thing People Do In Office Bathrooms?
My first taste of black licorice was as recent as 2012, when a friend offered me a Twizzler Bite as we sat watching the re-release of Titanic. I’d been pleasantly surprised by how much I still enjoyed the movie, so I figured I might be pleasantly surprised by the taste of this oft-maligned candy as well. It was a staggering miscalculation on my part. But I do get it: The people who enjoy black licorice are not contrarian freaks, but rather connoisseurs of subtlety who deserve our respect, if not our comprehension. (I know it’s far less fun to think of them this way, and I’m sorry.) These are our family, our friends, folks who couldn’t possibly fake their adoration for such an outmoded and divisive flavor. When it comes to candy, millions of avid customers can’t be wrong; in fact, maybe they’re the enlightened ones. Maybe I can go so far as to train my palate to appreciate this medicinal, botanical flavor profile. Is such an achievement worth the … [Read more...] about Learning to love licorice, once and for all
In “Sweet Tooth,” the sisters spend much of the episode trying to figure out which human vessel holds the harbinger, a demon that foretells the arrival of the Source Of Evil—all a part of the apocalyptic arc sparked in the pilot by their mother’s death. The entire time, we as the viewers know that the demon is in Angela Wu, the student who has been in a coma since the show began. So once again, Charmed isn’t really fueled by suspense. We know exactly who the demon is, and that doesn’t matter. Because instead, the story is really about how Mel in particular approaches trying to figure out who the demon is. And Maggie and Macy similarly get storylines that have much more to say than just what’s at the magical surface of the narrative. Mel has jumped into her witchcraft full force, and in training with Harry, she goes too big, putting herself and her sisters at risk for the sake of getting the job done. She’s reckless, but she also has bold … [Read more...] about Mel dares to be herself in
There’s a pretty clear consensus around which candies old people like—that is, it’s a category distinct from what the younger set enjoys. We picture these outmoded sweets sitting in dusty, cut-glass bowls atop lace doilies, not in our own grocery baskets. The extreme flavors of today’s sour pucker powders and bold combinations of sweet and savory hold less allure for the utterly practical generation that now finds itself in its twilight years—but that doesn’t mean their candies don’t deserve a thorough reinvestigation. And as someone who gained 15 pounds one summer when a vintage candy shop blew through her college town, I feel uniquely qualified (or at least uniquely determined) to conduct that investigation. We shall proceed chronologically through the usual geriatric suspects, beginning with the candies that were already stalwarts when our grandparents were born, and on through the treats that make the Boomers misty-eyed. How wonderful that … [Read more...] about A guide to old-timey candies for our modern times